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Memories...
From Me:
Well where do you start when you have to write about your best friend? Curtis asked me to write something about Hayley: "Just write anything, Shan" he said on the phone. So that's what I'm doing. Or at least, that's what I'm going to try to do.
I have so many memories of her; it's hard to know where to start...
I remember when Bill died, she was devastated. They had been best friends since Hayley was born. When she was talking about it, right after it happened, she described it as "someone has reached inside and ripped out half of me, Shan."
Some people will say that Hayley falling pregnant with Tahnee was the thing that destroyed her. I disagree. I know it made her stronger on the inside. Sure, she had her problems at the start, but wouldn't every 17 year old with a new born?! Tahnee made Hayley stronger and helped her to grow up so much quicker than us!
Hayley didnt exactly have the easiest life, I'll admit that. She had a lot to deal with and it seemed to keep on coming. She lost so many people including her sister Rosalind and her Dad, then Bill, then Toby, then I guess we kind of lost Courtenay when she moved away, and of course Hayley's second baby, Benjamin. Each time she managed to get through one thing, something else came up and dragged her back down again. I guess that's why people turn to drugs hey. It worked for her so she just kept on going.
Happy memories...I have so many!
~ Hayley dancing around that pole... I'm sure most of you have seen the photo... that's how she got her nickname Dancing Queen... and because she was an ABBA freak.
~ Hayley absolutely trashed singing Dancing Queen then falling off the bed... so typical of her...
~ Her face when she saw Tahnee take her first steps... yes I had the privilege of being there!!
~ Seeing her so excited when Curtis proposed to her. I have never seen her that happy, it was amazing.
~ Watching Hayley dance with Curtis to Strong Enough. Then singing Breakfast and Tiffanys and Drops of Jupiter to me in front of everyone. She was such a performer!
~ The arrival of Connor... so CUTE!!
~ And of course our legendary pillow fights :)
Hayley moved to Brisbane 3 days before my 18th birthday. That kind of hurt a bit. We had made plans months before to have a huge night, drink heaps, have heaps fun. But she moved away, in search of a better life... somewhere that she wouldnt be looking over her shoulder every time she went out. She wanted a fresh start and when the opportunity was there, I guess she grabbed it with both hands.
Those of you who knew Hayley will always remember her for her outgoing and bright personality. She was always (well...most of the time) happy and was always ready to give you advice if you were lost, give you a hug if you were sad, or make you laugh just for the hell of it. You will remember her ups and downs, they are hard to forget! You will remember her smile, always brightening the day.
Honestly, when Curtis first told me that Hayley had passed away, I was angry. I was angry because I thought she was selfish for leaving those kids to grow up without a mummy, for leaving Curtis behind to cope on his own, and for taking the easy way out. But then, after talking to Johnny, I realised she wasn't selfish; she did what she had to do. She couldnt live without Bill, she never got past that. I know she treasured her kids, but she couldnt cope. And as for Curtis, I know she absolutely adored him, why she left him behind, Ill never know.
I wasn't going to write this, I didn't think I could. Until I read and re-read Johnnys web journal (below). He inspired me to do this. He wrote some pretty sweet stuff, I'm sure once you read it you will agree. One thing he said stuck in my mind for a couple of days... "You wonder if you could make a difference sometimes...if you could change time and go back and alter things..." I thought about this for a while. Maybe we can change things, I know we can't go back and fix things, but take a look around you. Don't be afraid to tell the special people in your life how much you care. If you miss your chance I can almost guarantee you will regret it. The opportunity wont come around again.
I'm sure Hayley's looking down on us from wherever she is right now. She would be saying something like "Shit, would you just get on with your life Shan, get over it," but she would always be the first person there waiting to give me a hug if I needed it. That was Hayley.
Her dream finally came true.
Miss you forever Hayz
Shan.
From Johnny:
Sex:
yes pls! nah jk. me a chiki
Last night I was informed of the unfortunate and untimely passing of our friend Hayz. I was introduced to her through her good friend Shannyn many moons ago and although I never had the honour of ever meeting her in real life, I used to chat to her when we could....
She moved up to Queensland to live with her boyfriend Curtis...they had two kids, Tahnee and Connor......................I went through my pictures collection and saw this pic that Hayz sent me, of Connor...with his bright beaming eyes...made me smile...then I remembered the pic of Tahnee...still a little baby...looking at peace in her sleep.
It would have been nice to remember some actual memories of her...y'know...but it was like we ever only spoke on the net...that didn't mean that we couldn't get to know each other...she had her down times....I just tried to be the best of a friend that she could have had....I didn't try too hard...just tried to keep her smiling...I am reading over the emails, again and again to remember the times that we shared.....especially the email I got after Connor was born from Shannyn.........
One last note...
Hayley wanted me to say a "special HI!" to the three people who have kept her going through the past year or so...
~ Richard - for never giving up on her
~ Johnny - for being so damn funny and always making her laugh
~ Dee - for being such a special friend
You wonder if you could make a difference sometimes..if you could change time and go back and alter things...if you could stand side by side with her and fight her demons with her. There were times that I could get a sense of the internal battles she was dealing with, but at the same time - she still managed to keep a smile on her face. She knew that it was something she had to fight on her own. Some people don't deserve to die....Hayz was a good friend..I wish I could have known her better....
Gone out in public in your pajamas:
yeh I dont care wat ppl think of me ne more
If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?
i would change my stupidness. lol. i wish i wasnt so stupid.
You weren't stupid Hayz. You are The Dancing Queen.
I remembered the only pic I had of Hayz...(which I lost in the big virus of 2002)...Hayz...dancing like a madwoman on a pole....she wasn't known as The Dancing Queen for nothing! There she was, dancing away like there was no tomorrow...and I can see her now....dancing on St Peter's gates.....that would be her.
Dance in Peace Hayz.......this one is for you.
Johnny*.
From Courtenay:
What can I say thats different to Shan, I have no idea; she pretty much said it all.
Hayley was a great friend; we had so much fun together, doing stuff that chicks do when they are growing up. We weren't afraid to try new things, most of it which I regret now because it wasnt all good! Looking back (now that I'm all grown up at the ripe old age of 21, haha) we did so much dumb stuff back then! It's all part of growing up though, without experimenting you would never learn what was good or bad.
Hayley was usually the happiest person you could ever know, she was always smiling or laughing or dancing. If she was ever quiet you knew there had to be something wrong. Hayley just wasn't quiet for nothing! She had her bad times, when she lost someone or felt she couldnt cope, but she always seemed to bounce right back. I guess I was too blind to see why and how she kept bouncing back, but now when I look back it was so obvious, it was staring me right in the face.
After she passed away, Simon (my boyfriend) tried telling me that there's nothing I could've done to prevent her from doing what she did. But I can't help feeling differently about it. You always wonder about things like that. All the "what ifs". What if I had've lived closer to her? What if I had've been to the hospital to see her that day? What if I had've called her that night? Would I have been able to stop it from happening? Shan says that Hayley finally got her wish so I guess I'm happy for her, but I know I'll still miss her like hell.
I'll always remember certain things she said to me, she was so cute sometimes, like when when Curtis proposed to her it was "oh my god Court, what do people really do at weddings, apart from all the I do stuff?!" Then there was the time she begged me to let her cut my hair... just like my older sister did when we were little... I can still see my dark curls dropping to the floor... It makes me smile to think about her again
I'm looking at the photos on my desk as I write this... Hayley and I at the beach... Hayley and Shan having a pillow fight... Tahnee and Connor... Hayley and Curtis together... She had so much going for her. She just couldn't see it. She was engaged to the greatest guy, and had the two most adorable kids. She had started looking around for a part-time job so they could get out of the caravan park and get their own place. They were a perfect little family, but unfortunately, she dwelled on the past too much and couldn't look towards the future.
Peace dude :)
Courtenay.
From Matt:
In the short time I was given to get to know Hayley I grew to love her and adore her as a person. I knew little about her, but all there is to know about her is her ability to make a person feel so special. Hayley was an awesome girl and the memories of her will indeed continue to mould me as a person. Her advice will ring eternally in my mind and I will always remember her, as she would have wanted to be remembered - as the kind, caring and beautiful woman she was.
Matt. H
From Trent:
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life,
so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life
Rest In Peace Hayz
Trent
From Chris:
Hi, my name is Chris... most of you would not know me, I'm a 23yr old male from Campbelltown. I met Hayley through the internet. I grew to know Hayz over a long period of time. From day one I got a real warm feeling from her.
Hayz was a loving caring girl with a lovely baby girl.. over time Hayz and myself grew to love each other, we could tell each other anything. As I got to know her better she was the most wonderful girl I knew. She had her head on straight, she new what she wanted from life but didn't know how to do it.
Hayz was sexy, I cared for her a lot. I always wanted to be with her but I knew I could never have her cos she had a boyfriend and a wonderful child who she cared very much for. There were times where Hayz just wanted to give up but I told her if she goes I'm coming with her cos I could not picture my life with out her. I made her laugh when she was down, she made me laugh when I was down. I can tell you this - I fell in love with Hayz and I know she fell in love with me but she wouldn't leave her boyfriend for me cos of her baby girl. She thought that would be wrong.
Then after a while she told me she was pregnant again and she got very upset. She was only 19 and she didn't want to have two kids. But I helped her through it and kept her head high. Words could not explain how much I loved Hayz and all I wanted was to meet her but I never got the chance to.
Then one day I heard from Shan that she was in a car crash and in a coma. I was crushed. I cried so much just praying for her to come back to me. The last time I spoke to her was two days before the crash.. I also never knew that would be the last.. Then one day I got an email saying she had died.. That was it, I cried my eyes out. I lost someone I truly loved and cared for. I new she said she wanted out but I never knew she would do it..
I want her two kids to know that they had a great mother that really cared for them and loved them and would have done anything for them. I wish there was a way I could help for Hayz, it would be the least I could do..
Till this day I still feel her in my heart and I know I always will have a part of her inside of me. The only word I can use to describe her is a FIGHTER. She's battler and always kept her head high.
Chris
got something to say?
Email me if you have anything you want to see here... anything about hayley... stories or whatever!! Happy or sad!! We want to read about them!!
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